Its a lot of the reason I haven’t been posting as much anymore which apparently people are mad about because I’m losing tons of followers but I can’t help it.
My head has just been in a different place.
I’ve even contemplated just deleting my Tumblr because I barely use it anymore. But I’m not sure that I will do that. I might however change how I use my tumblr. Instead of mainly pictures I might just use it as a blog for my feelings but I’m not sure.
For now it will stay the same as it is.
I just hate how life can give you so much to take on at once. Its literally killing me. All I do is sleep now. I barely eat and I barely do anything else. I’m just over loaded with everything thats been going on. Hopefully I will get back to some sort of normal soon.
These past two weeks have been stressful. I rarely get to see my boyfriend anymore because he is always working which is a good thing for him cause he needs the money but a bad thing when it comes to our relationship and seeing each other but we shall get over it.
I’ve also had a lot of work to do with my classes this semester. I found out that I have a 20-25 minute presentation to do in my english class on my research paper as our final. Thats going to suck. I can’t even talk for like 5 minutes with out getting nervous and shakey.
My hair finally did something right today though. I dyed it blonde again to lighten it more and it worked! (: No orange or brassy colors at all. So I am happy about that. Though I think I might lighten it even more in like a month or two once my hair has calmed down from all this dye. My scalp needs a break lol It feels numb right now which I am sure is not a good thing but hopefully will go away soon.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I try to talk to you and I try to be a good friend and you shut me out.
You can update your twitter but you can’t reply to me. I just don’t understand that. All i’ve been trying to do is find out what’s wrong with you and why you have been so upset but all you tell me is you are fine when clearly just by your twitter updates I can see that you are not fine at all.
Do you even want to be friends anymore?
So I got invited to go to vegas this weekend with my boyfriends family! (: I seriously cannot wait!! I haven’t been this excited to go somewhere in a long time.
I’m going dress shopping with destyni on Wednesday so we can find the perfect outfits. (:
If I have any followers that live in Vegas maybe I’ll see you there!
It sad that you think that I still haven’t gotten over things between us. Newsflash hunny I DONT CARE ANYMORE. Ive had plenty of time to get over everything that happened and great friends to help me through it.
You lost out. Not me. I’m over it. You should be too.
Is it weird that I have a strong desire to be a stay at home mom/writer?
I used to always want to do something big with my life and be someone important but now I don’t.
My dad has been getting more and more sick and has been going to the doctors frequently for testing. They think that he has prostate cancer. Though it’s easiest to treat if caught early on, my mom says that he’s been exhibiting signs of stage 4. If that’s the case he’ll have 2-5 years to live…
I just don’t know what to do or how to react anymore. I’m scared. He’s my stepdad but he may as well be my real dad because he’s the one whose been there almost all my life. I can’t lose him.
So please pray for him. It would be much appreciated.
You tell me it’s best if we stop talking and aren’t friends so I try to make you happy and I do what you want but now I didn’t try hard enough. It’s like I just can’t win.
I wish we did still talk, I wish I could come to you with things because there’s so much I want to tell you. When something happens you are the first person I go to text then I realize I can’t because you don’t want to hear from me.
Yes I am different now but maybe you should get to know the different me. Maybe you’d like her cause in this past month I’ve changed and learned quite a bit. But you didn’t stick through it to see some of the wonderful changes that happened all you saw were the bad. The changes that were still in the process of figuring things out.
Things will never be the same but we are growing up. Why couldn’t we just figure things out together? Just cause they aren’t the same doesn’t mean they couldn’t have turned out to be better in the end. But maybe I’m just too optimistic.
I’m sorry. :/
I miss having a best friend. I miss you.
So Shane and I went to Dairy Queen yesterday and guess who is working the register… My exs current girlfriend. Though her and I have never met I could tell she knew who I was when we ordered. It was just awkward.
She had on this smile like thank you for coming now get the fuck out. Lol. Shane insisted she was jealous of me, probably to get my mind off of it and make me laugh since he knew seeing her bugged me. She was the reason why my ex left, though he’ll never admit that to me. Oh well I got the better end of the deal anyway (: I have a boy I’m completely head over heels for that wont use me for sex then leave me for another girl.
People are always going to come and go in your life. I’ve come to realize this the past few days. No matter what someone tells you they aren’t going to be in your life forever. Whether its because of the decisions you make or the decisions that they make.
Regardless of why people leave its always good to remember the good times you had with them and not dwell on the bad. Just try to make the best of the time you have with everyone because you never know when they will be gone.
Things have been getting better each day the closer Christmas gets. There’s so much happening, I’m so excited.
I got to see my cousins and Becca and I celebrated our birthdays together since she wouldn’t be out here to celebrate it with me on the actual day.
I can’t believe I’m actually going to be 20 this year. It’s like a milestone for me. I’ve been waiting for so long to be out of my teens. This upcoming year is just going to be one of the best, I can feel it. I’m already starting to get inspired with writing again and finishing a book finally. It’s gonna happen and im just so happy and excited.
I’m sick and tired of people thinking that they have the right to come into my life and tell me what to do when they haven’t even been there for me EVER.
Yes my boyfriend and I have only been together for a month and I’m completely head over heels for him. We haven’t been together for that long but that doesn’t matter. Its how we feel and who’s to say that love at first sight isn’t real or that you can’t know that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone the day you meet? Because YOU CAN. Just because it’s never happened to you doesn’t mean that it can’t happen.
I’m not going to stop loving him because people say its “too soon.”
So if you want to say that shit on facebook to me or even on here then I’m going to delete/unfollow you. I don’t want the drama and I don’t need it.
I’m living my life for me and God, no one else.